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How to Make Sex More Spiritual


How to Make Sex A Spiritual Experience

Sex is wonderful in and of itself, but if you’re looking for something a little more fulfilling to your spiritual life and want to take sex to a higher level, I came up with a few tips to help you get there!

  • Connect With Your Partner(s). Obviously, the first step to a higher level of intimacy is connecting with your partner(s). Because spirituality is a connection of the mind and spirit, you want to be at total ease and comfort with whoever you are engaging erotic activities with. There are easy ways to connect with your partner on this level that you can try, as you like, but my favorites include meditating and/or yoga practice together, weight lifting together, engaging in personal conversation without distraction, indulging in a bath or shower together, and giving one another an erotic massage. Take things slow; that’s where the magic happens!
  • Sex Meditation. Sex meditation isn’t just sitting around doing nothing, though I know a lot of people might have this belief about it. Meditation can be any number of things: making eye contact with your partner without speaking, bathing together in silence, and/or just lying next to one another without doing anything else. Meditation is a focused intention on being with one another without having to do, be, or say anything and this will help you both further connect.
  • Try Tantra. Once you feel a strong intimate bond with one another, you can take things to a higher precipice of ecstasy by indulging in tantra. There are many ways to engage in tantra, but the basics of it are slow, intense, engaged, sexual pleasure and it’s very much rooted in a connection with your partner. You can get more tips on tantra here and read about the history of tantra here.

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Sexual Activity: Victoria Era Vs. Modern Day

Photo by Simon Howden

In the Victorian era, sexual intercourse was a practice only considered socially acceptable in order to procreate. Sexual desires were accepted for men, but considered not virtuous for women. In fact, promiscuity was thought to be a sign of national decay. Early love manuals encourage intercourse for pleasure, but caution readers to refrain from intercourse too frequently because many thought too much sexual activity could be harmful insofar as to say it caused cancer, heart conditions and hysteria. Sexual activity acceptance took an even bigger hit in the 1840s after Sylvester Graham claimed in his writings that women experienced no need or want for sexual pleasure and that they did not care about sex in marriage. Other manuals upheld the idea of “marital continence” or the practice of a couple (husband & wife) choosing to abstain from any sexual indulgence in any form. Those women who did seek sexual fulfillment were seen to be leading lives that were not God-filled.

One of the few who challenged the belief that women had no need for sexual experiences was physician Elizabeth Blackwell who believed that a female’s lack of sexual lust came from a fear of injury or death during childbirth and that women were passive due to the fact that men would be rushed to perform quickly leaving women without satisfaction or fulfillment. Other doctors believed that at certain times a woman’s capacity for sexual pleasure was much greater and more intense and prolonged than a male’s.

A belief parroted in Alkaloidal Clinic (1891) declared that women’s lack of education made them believe sex to be immoral and indecent, resulting in a complete race of sexless women who could experience no pleasure during vaginal intercourse. This belief dominated society in the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s.

Change in society about female sexuality came with what was often referred to as the “sexual revolution.” Beginning in the 1950s with the writings of Simone De Beauvoir in which the importance of clitoral stimulation and sex purely for sexual pleasure was emphasized, these new ideas in combination with the women’s liberation movement were in stark contrast to Freudian beliefs that the vagina was the only source for sexual pleasure and orgasm.

Another firm step forward came in the 1960’s when living ideals were all about “sex, drugs & rock & roll.” By the 1970’s, premarital sex was becoming much more acceptable as a social norm. Because of the strides made in the 1960’s, it was finally acknowledged that men and women have an equal need for sexual fulfillment and pleasure.

Today, sex is much more openly accepted and even discussed frankly in society. Although we still have a long way to go in order to accept all the facets of sexuality, we have come an awful long way from chastity belts and clitoridectomy (removal of clitoris).

Intro to Tantric Sex

Beginning in India nearly 6,000 years ago, the art of Tantra emerged as a way to express rebellion against organized religion, wherein it was taught that sexuality should be rejected to obtain spiritual enlightenment. The word Tantra literally translates to mean “to manifest, to show, to expand.” In terms of sex, Tantra is said to expand one’s consciousness by connecting the opposites of male and female into a single harmonious being. Many believe that, aside from gaining a higher sense of enlightenment and revitalized sexual energy levels, one can improve their overall health through the practice of Tantra. Backed by M.D.’s, studies show that since the art of tantra aims to prolong sexual activity, it also lowers stress hormones and releases large amounts of serotonin (AKA the “happiness hormone”) into the body, which naturally produces a feeling of contentment and well being. Aside from the usual happiness serotonin produces, it also regulates mood (hence the happiness), sleep, appetite, and more. As if this is not enough evidence to prove that tantra can be beneficial not only to your sex life and your overall well being, but it is also said to deepen the connection and intimate bond between partners, thereby creating happier, more fulfilled relationships. If that’s not enough to convince you, many claim Tantric practices leave them full of energy. Now, who doesn’t want more of that?!

New to Tantra?

Try these Techniques!

  • Create an Intimate Atmosphere: Establish a place in which to practice tantra with your partner, whether it’s your bedroom or another room in your home. Be sure to make this room comfortable and cozy including candles, flowers with a nice scent or incense, soft sheets and lots of pillows and perhaps some relaxing music to set the mood.
  • Breathing Techniques: Tantra practices advice beginners to begin by having one partner sit on their partner’s lap, facing one another, and work on synchronizing their breathing. Some believe breathing in at the same time and out at the same time is better while others advice one partner to breathe in while the other exhales and so on. My advice: See what works for you and go with that.
  • Slow, Drawn Out Foreplay: I know, I know, it’s not everyone’s favorite thing to do, especially if you’re looking for the end result, but in terms of tantric sex, the end result should not be the focus. In fact, enjoying the ride and prolonging the experience are definitely the focus. In fact, foreplay allows for tension and sensations to build more slowly, prolonging the experience on a whole for both parties.
  • Eyes Wide Open: Yes, it is what you think it is. You know how everyone usually kisses with their eyes closed? Not in Tantra. In tantric sex, the goal is to connect with your partner on a deeper level and this is emphasized by looking into the eyes of one another throughout the experience. It may weird you out in the beginning, but a few glances here and there should suffice if you’re uncomfortable. Remember to accept your partner with open arms and no judgment; seeing them and being seen can be difficult, but facilitated by creating a relaxed and open environment and attitude.

Good Luck!